Energy vampires and how to avoid them?
In a previous article (ubaciti link) we talked about why concentration and willpower are important.
We discuss how to develop willpower and concentration as tools to be able to use our energy in the way we desire.
The next thing we want to look at are energy consumers. People and things are two of the biggest consumers of energy. And people and things also give you a lot of energy. They’re both consumers and sources of energy. Please keep in mind that first law of the thermodynamics we talked about before – see this article How to get more energy?
Let’s focus on the people that consume energy and how we can deal with them.
I call these people energy vampires. And that’s what a vampire does, bytes in and then he can suck the life out of you. Some people consume tremendous amounts of energy. Essentially speaking there are three types of people: uplifting people, neutral people and non uplifting people.
Let’s define all three types. Uplifting people are okay, actually they are great. If I spend five minutes with an uplifting person, when I walk away I feel great and go like wow that was an amazing conversation. A neutral person, if I spend five minutes with them I walk away I’m still the same. But non uplifting people, if I spent five minutes with them I walk away and I go like oh my god that was exhausting. And you probably experienced that in your life.
The next question to ask is are they an energy vampire. The two ways to figure this out one is I can judge and I can evaluate. What’s judging and evaluating? Judging is this I’m at a party in New York City in a penthouse, the two hundred people in. The room, the door opens, this guy walks in and he’s got white shoes, and a purple suit. He’s got a cane and a hat. He’s wearing a chain with a big clock hanging off his chest. I look across the room and I think he must be a pimp or drug dealer. That’s judging. I didn’t get to know him. I just judged he was a pimp or drug dealer.
Evaluation is that I spent 50 occasions with Jon over a period of two years, and 49 of those I walked away from and I go like oh my god that was exhausting. It’s safe for me to evaluate that Jon is an energy vampire.
The next question is whether they are a transient energy vampire or inherently an energy vampire. What’s a transient energy vampire? Just say John is going through a hard time in life because his dad is dying of cancer for example. And for three years John consumes a lot of energy. You know he’s always down, you need to uplift him, he’s feeling very sad. It’s okay, you give him that energy because he’s your friend and that’s what we do. We express compassion, empathy and love and we support our friends during difficult times.
But someone who’s inherently an energy vampire, he has always been this way for decades. These haven’t changed, they’re just not an uplifting human being at all. How do we deal with someone who’s inherently an energy vampire? Before I go there, a quick question for all of you. How many of you feel like you have someone who’s inherently an energy vampire in your life? I guess there are a lot of people. So how do we deal with someone who’s inherently an energy vampire? The best way to do this is to practice the art of being affectionately detached but always kind, gentle, sincere and loving towards them.
What does this mean? Let’s say John is inherently an energy vampire. I live in New York City. I’m walking down Fifth Avenue and I see John walking towards me. What do I do, do I cross the street? That’s not very nice. I meet John, John meets me. What do you say when two people meet each other?
G’day, how’s it going Mike? Do I say that? No, do you know why? I don’t use how you are, because I don’t want to know. It’s true, you have to understand. When I ask somebody how are you, they tell me the entire life story, it’s confession time, so I don’t even ask how are you. John asks me how are you, I say I’m doing very well thank you very much and then I reply what a beautiful day in New York. It’s true. I’m being sincere, I’m being kind and then I say to him please excuse me I have something really important to do. It’s true my life is finite and I’m very clear what my purpose is. I’m not lying and then what do people say at the end of a conversation. It was a pleasure meeting you. Actually it wasn’t, let’s do lunch, why? See you later, not really. Why do we say the things we don’t mean and ask the questions we don’t want answers to?
So at the end of a conversation I say have a wonderful day which is true. I know he’s inherently an energy vampire but I do wish he had a wonderful day. So the concept of being affectionately detached is to not engage with someone. You can be kind, gentle, sincere, and loving towards them. But not engaging with them.
What’s another way to protect yourself from an energy vampire? Is it to place the burden of responsibility on them. I’ll give you an example: I have a friend of mine who’s an expert in social media. A lot of people want to get together with him, have a cup of coffee, and a glass of wine. Let’s catch up for lunch, let’s do dinner, why? Because they want to pick his brain and get information from him and he can’t sustain us. Because everybody wants a little bit of his time. And it’s just that he can’t live this way.
So I told him this is what you need to do. You need to tell this person who wants to meet with you to read your favorite marketing book, write down seven key points and email it to you. Once you receive the seven key points from the book, you email them and say let’s meet up on this day for a couple hours and we can discuss a marketing strategy for you. You know how many people actually read the book and email him the seven key points? Nobody! As soon as you place the burden or responsibility on someone, they don’t do it.
Another friend travels all around the world and he speaks to people. And he says they come up to him and want to ask questions, and he always gives them his personal email address and tells them please don’t share it with anybody. Can you put your question down on this email and send it to me. This will give me time to reflect on it and I can give you a proper response and they always say for sure, I’ll put it all down in an email, I’ll send it to you. And nobody emails him. Simple little tasks. Just send me an email with your problems and they don’t do it.
So place the burden of responsibility on someone. If you’re somebody who’s developed a particular skill. You’re an expert in a particular niche, in a particular area, and you find that people want your time, and they want your energy. The one simple way to protect yourself is to place a bit of responsibility on them. Give them a simple task to do and see if they do it. And if they fulfill that task and come back to you, then go out of your way to help them. Maybe the outcome will be good for both of you.
This is not just a way to protect yourself from energy vampires and exploitation. This also can be a good filter to evaluate new opportunities and possibilities. People who do fulfill your simple tasks are showing a significant level of responsibility. In most of the cases it’s not a waste of time or energy to invest in them, as they already showed good will and determination for success. That’s one of the main differences between energy vampires and persons that really want to improve or grow.
Basically this is a good approach to find new people who you can cooperate with, and discover new possibilities in your business, friendship or any other field of life.
Your spiritual practice should be that you evaluate the people in your life every year. Go through a process evaluation and reallocate your energy between people who uplift you and people that don’t uplift you.
If you have skipped some basics regarding the energy and it’s management, then I suggest you to read these articles: 1 and 2.
Hope you enjoyed reading this, have a great day!
